Little Johnny jokes

[Coldwolf]

I'm starting this strain for clean(ish) Little Johnny jokes.


I have the first one.

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing candy in his mouth.
An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"
"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.
"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.
"No, said Johnny, but he minded his own freakin' business."

[Average Joe]

One night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Uncle Bill died. He woke up and that evening, his dad got a call saying that Uncle Bill died.ÂÂ* The next night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Aunt Joy died. He woke up, and then that evening, his dad got a call saying that Aunt Joy died.ÂÂ* He told his daddy, "Two days ago, I had a dream Uncle Bill died, and then yesterday, I had a dream Aunt Joy died.ÂÂ* His dad said, "that's just a coincidence."ÂÂ* The next morning he tells his dad, "I had a dream that my dad died."ÂÂ* His dad was terrified. He had the worst day at work and took every precaution. He didn't eat any of the food in case of food poisoning, and he drove slowly in case of a car wreck.ÂÂ* When he finally got home, Little Johnny's mom asks him how his day at work was.ÂÂ* "Much more horrible than your day I'm sure," his dad replied.ÂÂ* "I don't know," said his mom, "The milkman dropped dead on the front porch today!

[Average Joe]

The teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"

She calls on Little Johnny.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."