Abstinence only sex-ed works

[Yosemite Joy]

http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=289216

Jamie Lynn Spears Says She's Pregnant
Dec. 19, 2007, 9:29 AM EST

The Associated Press

Another Spears baby is reportedly on the way — and it's not Britney's.

Jamie Lynn Spears, the 16-year-old "Zoey 101" star and sister of Britney, tells OK! magazine that she's pregnant and that the father is her longtime boyfriend, Casey Aldridge.

"It was a shock for both of us, so unexpected," she says. "I was in complete and total shock and so was he."

Spears is 12 weeks along and initially kept the news to herself when she learned of the pregnancy from an at-home test and subsequent doctor visit, she told the celebrity magazine, which hits stands in New York on Wednesday and the rest of the country by Friday.

"As soon as I found out for sure from the doctor, I took two weeks to myself where I didn't tell anybody," she says. "Only one of my friends knew because I needed to work out what I would do for myself before I let anyone's opinion affect my decision. Then I told my parents and my friends. I was scared, but I had to do what was right for me."

Spears broke the news to her mother, Lynne, just before Thanksgiving, the magazine says.

"She was very upset because it wasn't what she expected at all," Spears says. "A week after, she had time to cope with it and became very supportive."

Lynne Spears, already grandmother to Britney's young sons, says: "I didn't believe it because Jamie Lynn's always been so conscientious.

She's never late for her curfew. I was in shock. I mean, this is my 16-year-old baby."

She says her actress daughter, the telegenic heroine of the popular Nickelodeon series "Zoey 101," has known Aldridge for years and began dating him in high school.

Jamie Lynn plans to raise the baby in her home state of Louisiana — "so it can have a normal family life."

The third season of "Zoey 101" wraps up Jan. 4.

"I haven't spoken to (Nickelodeon) personally, but they have always been so great to me over the past years and have given me so many opportunities."

What message does she want to send to other teens about premarital sex?

"I definitely don't think it's something you should do; it's better to wait," she says. "But I can't be judgmental because it's a position I put myself in."

"It was a shock for both of us, so unexpected," she says. "I was in complete and total shock and so was he."

Someone should of explained how this could happen instead of telling her to just not do it.

I like that the mother's Christian book on parenting is delayed. Hahahahaha.

[David_V]

Someone should of explained how this could happen instead of telling her to just not do it.
But if you never mention sex, they won't know about it. rolleyes:

I like that the mother's Christian book on parenting is delayed. Hahahahaha.
Might be a good book to read - and do the opposite.

[Hermie]

I say get rid of abstinence-only. Scare teens with STD's, pregnancy pains, childbirth, and other not-so-fun things about sex. Tell them the real deal. Fear is a powerful motivator.. XD

[only1alphafemale]

I say get rid of abstinence-only. Scare teens with STD's, pregnancy pains, childbirth, and other not-so-fun things about sex. Tell them the real deal. Fear is a powerful motivator.. XD

I dont say get rid of abstinence only, but offer it as an option with all of the other doses of reality mixed in with it also.... Treating our kids with "kid gloves" isnt helping them in the long run......:no: and our kids arent stupid! and need to know the life altering consequences of their actions and abstinence doesnt cover those, it just tip-toes around the real issues regarding sex.

[BooBooBear]

I say get rid of abstinence-only. Scare teens with STD's, pregnancy pains, childbirth, and other not-so-fun things about sex. Tell them the real deal. Fear is a powerful motivator.. XD

I don't think the scare of STD's or being a mom has scared teens cause it's still happening. However, if there was a way to simulate the pain of Childbirth...you might be onto something there! I remember awhile back some school gave kids a baby doll that would cry at odd time and they had to take the baby everywhere they went or get a baby sitter. I think that might have stopped some from thinking a parent would be fun. Wonder if they are still using that as a teaching tool.

[HIS_MOM]

from a single teenage moms point of view.

i got pregnant at 17. my mom always told me about abstinence and not to have sex and if i was going to have sex to have protected sex..i had the fake baby that cried and cried and cried in high school. i had 3 younger brothers. i baby sat alot of kids. and i swore i never wanted to have any kids..

girls dont think oh this might get me pregnant...no one thinks that when they lay down in bed with someone. and your surley not remembering everything your mama or daddy told you...

i know with me i did it because my mom said not to. i wanted to test the waters and know why i couldnt do it.. well at 17 i got 2 kids out of it. the pain of child birth or contractions or a c-section still didnt stop me. a year later i was pregnant again but miscarried. and 5 years later i gave birth to my 3rd beautiful son ..

some of you men forget. the pain you feel while giving birth goes away right after you have a baby. its not a lasting pain and it is a pain you instantly forget.

i think if you want to make sure your child is safe dont just preach abstinence but if you know she is out having un protected sex get here on birth control. buy them condoms. talk to them and let them know you understand its natural to want to have sex you were a teenager too. let them know the bad and the good to it and every outcome possible.

my mom always told us about every disease we could catch about having babbies. about the wrong reason of doing it and how much loosing your virginity affects your life as a teen. my mom used to explain to me that your not just having sex with that 1 guy your having sex with every girl hes had sex with and every guy shes had sex with and it is a big long list that doesnt stop and somewhere ur gonna catch somethign really nasty.

also explain to your child the baggage that comes along with having sex you are forever giving a piece of yourself to that person. they willl forever have something of you and you will have something of them.

i think people make such a big deal over babies and whos having one that little girls think that is the only way to get soemone to love them is to have a baby.

i dont regret any of my 3 sons one bit. i dont regret giving up my teenage years to become a mom or to take care of my responsiblities. i would have to say out of my group of friends in high school we all have kids now. most of us had them young and un married. a few waited tell they were older. and i have seen a couple of my friends fail at being parents. but i have seen alot more of my friends become the best parents possible.

u cant just preach at your child not to have sex examin your own life an dmake sure your not letting them see it with you.

[monkey]

Parents also may not mention the financial aspects of having children so young. If a young woman has to drop out of school, or decides to on her own, chances are that she will never return to finish her education.
With a low level of education comes a low level of income. That leaves too many people who are supported by the Gov't, putting a strain on the infrastructure of our country.
There is also the issue of the number of people raising their grandkids. The girl has unprotected sex with a loser guy, gets pregnant, the guy disappears. The girl ends up moving back in with her parents who eventually end up raising their grandchild. Just when they thought they could enjoy their "golden years", they are saddled with starting over raising their kids' kid because they love them.
I don't know what the answer is, but I'm SICK of hearing about people that always have their hand our and a sense of entitlement.They seem to think they deserve to be taken care of instead of standing up, doing the right things and taking care of themselves and their children.
Ok, I'm over my rant now. Thanks for listening ; )

[dancingqueen]

HISMOM Out of the mouths of babes!!!!!!I don't think anyone could have said it better. For many years I worked (as your mom did) with young girls and I preached all the same statistics as she did and I lost sleep at night worried to death about them, knowing I WAS NOT GETTING THROUGH TO THEM. We all need to remember that teenagers (most of them) are fearless and they never think the "bad" stuff is going to happen to them.

[HIS_MOM]

you see the diffrence between me and some other young mom is i have never oawned my children off on anyone. i have had my kids from day 1 there dad has NEVER been around he has never supported his children in any kind of way and i still make it. yes sometimes my mom does help me out but i have never pushed my kids or any of our living situations on her or being her fault. i moved back in with my mom maybe 1 or 2 times for a couple weeks but that was only in between places. i understand my mom raised her kids i made my choices and i take responsibility for them.

i watched my mom and other ladies stay up days and nights with girls who were having babies who parents werent there for them or wanted nothing to do with it. it didnt teach me a lesson until i learned for myself. i had that it will never happend to me attitude. and i was invincibile. i had alot of resources available to me when i was young because of my moms line or work. but being the strongwilled child i was i didnt use any of those resources and went my own way.

sometimes i wonder what my life would be liek if i didnt have kids..i didnt live the best of life before i had my kids. i did drugs i ran away i partied way too hard i was always getting in fights. to me my children saved my life. they made me grow up and become responsible.

[dancingqueen]

You brought up a good point. If the "bad stuff" does happen in your family, please do not abandon your children. They need you in the middle of a crisis more than ever. The day we give birth and we are holding that sweet, precious, little bundle. Our heads are full of all the good things in life. I think our expectation is that we are going to be good parents and our children are going to have good lives. We don't think that at 2 years old our child is going to be the one on the play ground that other parents do not want their child playing with because his behavior is so bad. We don't think that at 6 they will run out in traffic and refuse to hold our hand. We don't think that at 15 we will be searching for our child in a neighborhood that is deplorable because we haven't seen them in a week and we have gotten a tip they may be holding up in a crack house. We don't ever expect to hear the words, mom, dad I am pregnant or my girlfriend is pregnant. We don't expect that they will ever be going through the juvenile justice system, ending up in the hall. Which ends up being a revolving door to jail and prison. No we don't ever expect that even one of these things could ever happen to our precious new born baby, but sometimes one or more of these things do happen. But, we need to stand by there side and never give up hope that they will come out on the other side as whole, functioning, well adjusted adults.

[HIS_MOM]

i remember being the bratty child that screamed at everything and wanted everything. i remember my brothers dying me a golden egg and calling me barucka from willy wonka i remember packing my clothes and telling my mom im running away at 7 years old to only make it to the front porch to ask when dinner was gonna be ready. i remember at 15 running away on a grey hound bus to los angeles to end up in a cracked out motel to snort meth for the first time. i remember at 16 running away to long beach to be with the boyfriend i thought was the one for him to get me hooked on meth. i remember being 17 and standing in my moms bathroom crying my eyes out because the pregnancy test said posotive...

and i remember through all of this my mom crying and begging and pleading for me to straighten up to change my life before something BAD happend.

you see my mom was not a bad mom she was a great mom she was a strict mom and she was a very knowledgeable mom. but i didnt use that to my advantage i wanted to explore on my own.

i remember at 17 walking into the hallway of my mom house crying and asking my mom to come here i couldnt even tell her what was about to happend in my life i could only show her. my voice could not make out the words im pregnant. only the little stick could tell my mom what was going on. i was scared i knew i had let my mom down. but i also knew that this was going to change alot of things in life.

i remember calling my mom and saying im not only having one but im having two. i remember hearing my mom cry on the phone becasue she wanted so much more for me. but i always remember my mom telling me no matter what i can still do anything in life. kids are not a barrier they do not make u drop out of school. they dont drag your life down. your children make your life what you let them. they are a tiny little soul who didnt ask to be brought into this big mean world..

i remember doing so many bad things as a teenager to my mom. but in the end the only person i wanted in life in that delivery room was my mom to hold my hand and tell me everything was gonna be ok.

my mom has never turned her back on me or any other girl in okahurst that has needed her through any other time. my mom has given her self wholey to everyone that has crossed her path...for some it may be your daughter . for other it may be a friends daughter. but for me it was ME.. i could never thank my mom enough for not turning her back on me. for not walking away. i have to thank her so much for standing proud of her grandkids and her daughter when some in the world would shake there head against it.!!!!!!!

[dancingqueen]

I am sure that you will remember all that your mom has done for you and that you will do the same for your children.

[dancingqueen]

Another thing that I feel needs to be addressed and Monkey alluded to this. The Welfare marry-go-round. Please, I do not want anyone to think that I am pointing a finger at them or their family because I do not know your personal situation. I do know that some young people were raised by welfare mom's and they do not know how to NOT be welfare mom's themselves. They do not know how to get off the merry-go-round. Many of us who worked in the social services fields had great hopes for the welfare system about 8 years ago when new laws came out. The system was going to provide training and education to young welfare mom's and dad's. While they were providing this training they were providing day care, buying you tires for your car so you could get to class, or providing you with free bus passes ( I know this would not work in this area). There were wonderful programs established I think they were called From Welfare To work Programs. I have been retired for 5 years so I really do not know the latest. What happened to these programs, why are so many of our families still on welfare. It isn't good for any one's self esteem to be on welfare. No one really wants to be on welfare. In my experience young girls would say "I am not going to be a welfare mom like my mom". Anyone know what is going on today in the "system".

[HIS_MOM]

the welfare system still pays your schooling your gas your tires your car insurance your child care your clothing they will pay alot as long as these girls cooperate with the system.. the sytem makes it really ahrd to get off of once your on it. it is still a merry-go-round. its liek once your sucked in you cant get out.

i believe the welfare system was made to help people out but too many people take advantage of it.

[Red Mule]

I say get rid of abstinence-only. Scare teens with STD's, pregnancy pains, childbirth, and other not-so-fun things about sex. Tell them the real deal. Fear is a powerful motivator.. XD

This statement bothers me a bit. Let's be clear, although sex and pregnancy are certainly related, they don't always have to be joined at the hip if we provide a decent sex education. If we try to teach fear of sex and then they learn it is actually pleasurable, there will be a tendency to discount everything else they are told. Even worse, what does it do in later years and situations when a healthy attitude toward sex is actually necessary to building and maintaining an adult relationship.

Whether you consider sex a gift from God that was meant to help us be fruitful and multiply or evolutionarily beneficial for any successful organism to survive, it is necessary. Some might suggest, directly or indirectly, that it is evil and dirty. It cannot be wonderful for me and evil for my children. To suggest that, would also suggest that my grandchildren were somehow tainted.

I think we need to do better at teaching the philosophy of consequences and not just the philosophy of fear. Stop and think what are we trying to prevent and why?

If we say we want to prevent pregnancy before our children are ready, that's one thing. We provide education and prevention aids. No matter how much a young mother might love her child, it's a fact that both her life and her child's life would be better if pregnancy were something that happened after schooling is complete and after a long term relationship is made and cemented. It would also be better for her extended family that is called upon to help and for society as a whole.

If the real fear is our teens might have (shudder at the thought) SEX! That is another matter altogether. No matter what we do, the chances are that they will. It's built into all of us to search for a mate and at no time is the urge stronger than during the teens and twenties.

I'm not saying parents shouldn't teach morality. Or shouldn't pass along their religious beliefs. Or that in so doing, some children might not take heed and abstain from sex until all the planets align on their honeymoon night.

I'm just saying that if you skip the first part (providing education and prevention) and only try to teach them fear of sex, that you are playing Russian Roulette with their life. Will there be a bullet in the chamber this time? Will they let biological need and romantic love overcome fear based admonitions? Both are much the same thing and not the way I would want to send my children off into the night.

[MtnBreeze]

This statement bothers me a bit. Let's be clear, although sex and pregnancy are certainly related, they don't always have to be joined at the hip if we provide a decent sex education. If we try to teach fear of sex and then they learn it is actually pleasurable, there will be a tendency to discount everything else they are told. Even worse, what does it do in later years and situations when a healthy attitude toward sex is actually necessary to building and maintaining an adult relationship.

Whether you consider sex a gift from God that was meant to help us be fruitful and multiply or evolutionarily beneficial for any successful organism to survive, it is necessary. Some might suggest, directly or indirectly, that it is evil and dirty. It cannot be wonderful for me and evil for my children. To suggest that, would also suggest that my grandchildren were somehow tainted.

I think we need to do better at teaching the philosophy of consequences and not just the philosophy of fear. Stop and think what are we trying to prevent and why?

If we say we want to prevent pregnancy before our children are ready, that's one thing. We provide education and prevention aids. No matter how much a young mother might love her child, it's a fact that both her life and her child's life would be better if pregnancy were something that happened after schooling is complete and after a long term relationship is made and cemented. It would also be better for her extended family that is called upon to help and for society as a whole.

If the real fear is our teens might have (shudder at the thought) SEX! That is another matter altogether. No matter what we do, the chances are that they will. It's built into all of us to search for a mate and at no time is the urge stronger than during the teens and twenties.

I'm not saying parents shouldn't teach morality. Or shouldn't pass along their religious beliefs. Or that in so doing, some children might not take heed and abstain from sex until all the planets align on their honeymoon night.

I'm just saying that if you skip the first part (providing education and prevention) and only try to teach them fear of sex, that you are playing Russian Roulette with their life. Will there be a bullet in the chamber this time? Will they let biological need and romantic love overcome fear based admonitions? Both are much the same thing and not the way I would want to send my children off into the night.

Very well said. I raised 2 daughters and one got pregnant at 15 even though we did our best to educate. However it turned her life around for the better because I had also raised them to be responsible for their actions (and prior to her pregnancy was not going down a very good path). She went on to finish school and graduate with Honors and has been a model mother to her two children plus she is a beautiful and accomplished adult. The other daughter still has not had a child of her own although she is "Mom" to her husbands daughter from a previous marriage. She is also a beautiful and accomplished adult.
So all we can do is teach and hope they learn and make good choices. If they take some wrong turns along the way we have to be there for them without "doing" it for them. I think teaching fear is the wrong approach to most anything. And I think helping others through things must include they being willing to help themselves. Parents who shame their children or take over their responsibilities are not doing them any favors IMO.

[Red Mule]

Regarding Welfare...

Nothing is free. If one person is collecting welfare, someone else is paying it. I think too many people, of any age or situation forget this. To them, this is just money that the "government" gives them. It is actually the "taxpayers" that are providing this money. As a long time taxpayer, this gives me the right to have an opinion about those that take my money.

A civilized society should have "safety nets" to help those that fall or are pushed off the cliff. But, I think those safety nets are only meant to provide immediate short term help, not be a lifestyle. If a young single woman has one child she cannot provide for, I hope we will all be willing to provide the welfare that will help her get on her feet. If she is in a relationship that ends, and she has one or more children she cannot support, I hope we help her too. And, I hope the government goes after the man that should be paying his share of the support.

I have much less sympathy for a single person or couple that willingly has multiple children, knowing she (or they) cannot support them. Some people have children merely to increase their "benefit" check. This is the point where I say the government (and indirectly, the taxpayers) have done enough.

What we should provide is a job that involves hard work, and the necessary child care so they can hold this job. If there are no jobs open in the local economy, create some public service jobs. They should also receive a box of contraceptives as often as they need it. But, under not condition should they receive paychecks for having more babies they cannot support.

[yosemitewriter]

If we can put flouride in our water systems to protect our kid's teeth, why can't we put birth control in the water system to protect their futures????

[HIS_MOM]

to inform some welfare does not give you a biger check for each child. if you ask for assistance and apple for assistance with 1 child and recieve a check for that child wether it be one month or 5 years and have a baby within any of that time you do not get a bigger check u still only get it for that 1 child..no matter if you have had 10 more. that was the welfare reform law in 1998. there is also a time limit of 60 months. you cna only receive welfare for 60 months equaling 5 years in any state this is nationwide and your time limit follows you werever you go. now there are some way around this itme limit and some extensions but those are only if that childs father is paying child support. and every month they pay support you dont get charged that 1 month. so if you have recieved welfare 26 months and your childs father only pay child support 11 of those months. then you have used 15 months of your time limit.

as to women abusing the system yes ia gree many do i feel if workers have to drug test to get a job then welfare recipients should have to drug test to get there monthly check. and if you test dirty you dont get a check.

welfare is to help out people not use for drug money or alcohol money it is for the support of your children to make sure they have a home and food!!!!!!

[HIS_MOM]

ok let me just say this..

I am a single mom of 3 beautiful children. when i had my children i knew what i was doing and how much they would cost. after the birth of my twins. i willingly decided to have another. and i knew how much more it would cost me. i was with his father and we were "happy" then. times have changed and now he is gone. i choose to not ask for anything from him. i dont want his support or his money. just liek i dont want him in my sons life!

my children are very well taken care of have everything they need or want are well feed clothed dressed and groomed. they have good grades and are respectful at most times..

but on the other hand i was a 17 year old girl who dropped out of high school who did collect welfare but also i have worked. i have payed into taxes and have alot of family members who pay into taxes. i never took advantage of the sytem or the help they gave me. all that money went to my kids home clothes shoes needs wants and have to haves.

i would be considered one of your guys's welfare "type" in general but if you met me and my children you would have never guessed we needed help from the system we dont take advantage of the sytem. we used it to our advantage|!

[Iris]

HIS MOM, please do not take offense to my comments as I wish only the best for you. You are obviously a thoughtful and intelligent young woman, and if you have not completed your education (be it GED, vocational, or college), you are cheating yourself. I have no doubt that you are a good and caring mother, but you should not live your life only for your children. This life is not a rehearsal, you must take advantage of your potential, and to borrow a quote, "Be All That You Can Be"!
Sorry if this is off-topic. Just my 2 Cents...

[HIS_MOM]

iris and everyone else,
i dont take offense to any comments because i knwo that i ahve not sat around and let welfare take over me. i am currently enrolled in the adult school to finish my high school diploma and i am going back to college in jan. i started college in 2004 but didnt complete becasue of some things going on in my life. my children are my life and until they are 18 they are my main focus to make sure they dont turn out to be exaclty what i dont want them to. i see it more an dmore often with kids whos parents ignore them or dont spend enough time with them, the turn to drugs bad friends and stealing. my kids will always have my full attention when ever it is needed. i know i have one life and in this one life i choose to becoem a mother and to teach my children to be all and everything they can be and until they are 18 and able to be on there own they are my priority 100%

[Iris]

HIS MOM, I did not mean to imply that you are the type of person to take advantage of the "system", I don't think that you are. You are right in the belief that you need to be there for your children, but you also need to be there for yourself too... The two things are not mutually exclusive. I am glad to hear that you have made efforts to continue your education, as you can be whatever you set your mind to be. :yes:
My mom was a single mom with three kids too, and life was often not easy, so I really do understand where you are coming from.

[HIS_MOM]

iris i completley understand what you are saying and didnt think you were implying that anywhere. thanks for your honesty

[Red Mule]

His Mom,

I'm sure you are a wonderful person and a good mother. Nor do I mean to single you out. And, I'm glad you are doing something educationally to eventually join the working force. But...

I don't think anyone should be able to devote themselves entirely to their children on someone else's back. Someone that is working and maybe not spending as much time with their children as they would like to, because they have to work for a living and pay the taxes that provide your support.

I came from a broken home, just as your children will be able to say. The majority of my support came from my grandmother, who worked full time as a maid. My aunt helped with child care. And, my father sent additional money when he could. At no time did we get government money. I still had a good, if not wealthy, childhood. I somehow managed to get a good education and a good carreer, partially because of the good example my family gave me.

So, please continue your schooling at full speed. Follow that with a sincere search for work, although I know that will be more difficult now. But, do the best you can to repay all those people that are working hard to support you now by not staying on welfare a single day longer than you have to.

[HIS_MOM]

i think i am one of the few millions of people who got welfare to take advantage of all the things they would pay for my schooling my insurance my car repairs.. if i can go to school and have someone completley pay it off without having to Pay a penny of it i myswell better myself..

some people get welfare just to sit on it and collect a check....

dont get me wrong i have worked i worked from the time i was 16 and i continue to work on and off when the season allows up here even while getting assistance. if i could find a place hiring right now believe me i would be working...