TOT's adventures in "cooking"

[TOT]

Thought i'd start a thread to amuse ya.

Some of you already know i don't cook. Or have hardly any skills in the kitchen.

So... yeah.

Tonight i decided to try out my food processor and juicer. The juicer is still covered in 10 years of dust, never got around to it.

Dinner plan - barbequed hot dogs, jello salad, french fries.

Food processor turned carrots into goo, but i figued the orange jello-carrot-pineapple bowl would turn out fine anyway. I've had it many times, but don't recall ever making it. I called my grandmother for instructions.

Mix jello (6 oz) with 1 3/4 cups water. Add 2 cups shredded carrots. Add one 20 oz can crushed pineapple. Add 2 cups ice cubes. Should set in 45 minutes.

I guess people that have actually made jello in the last 15 years would know that you boil that first bit of water. I am not one of those people. There's an orange lumpy soup with ice cubes sitting in my fridge.

I also have some sort of potatoe conglomeration created by 'slicing' potatoes with the food processor. http://oakhurstforums.com/icon/lol420.gif

So i just boiled the darn hotdogs since i tend to burn them to a black crunchy mess when i grill 'em anyway.

And that my friends, is my first installment.

[Summer]

Tot, that's pretty funny. I love to read cookbooks and watch the cooking channel, but I never make anything. When I cooked my first turkey I forgot to take the inside packaging out. How dumb is that?! http://oakhurstforums.com/icon/rolleyes2.gif

[Mysteefied]

I think I'm going to get much amusement out of this thread. I also hate to cook, I can cook, I just hate to. If I got rich, the first thing I'd do is hire a cook. If I didn't have kids to cook for, I'd probably live off frozen dinner and fast food.

Good luck TOT! http://oakhurstforums.com/icon/rofl5.gif

[John @ 3300ft.]

Me, I'm a kill it an grill it person. If I buy it at the grocery store, then it'll probably get nuked...

[concerned]

I am [or was ] a gourmet cook. It runs in my family. My mother started me cooking when I was about 8 years old. Now that I live alone most of my meals come out of a can or the delicatessen. Or a friends or a restaurant. table

[TOT]

Originally posted by Summer:
When I cooked my first turkey I forgot to take the inside packaging out. How dumb is that?! http://oakhurstforums.com/icon/rolleyes2.gif

Not dumb! My very intelligent friend has done that. Twice. Plus, even if you remember or know, sometimes they hide that stuff pretty well.

[Californee Girl]

Ive left the bag of guts in the turkey too.

I cant cook very well either, but my main fault is that I tend to forget the stove or oven. I will burn the house down someday. heres an example...

Last winter I left a pan of boiling eggs when I went to pick up my husband from work. When we got home you could smell the smoke from the street. When we opened the door we were greeted by a thick grey cloud of smelly smoke. The water in the pan had evaporated, the eggs had jumped out of the pan, and my teflon pan had melted onto the burner. There was literally a hole through the bottom! We had to stay at a hotel that night because the teflon air was so thick. Every plant in my house died. I took a picture of my husband peeking through the hole in the pan so Id never forget just how stupid I can be.

[Summer]

Tot, you're right about them sometimes hiding the "innards" real good. Especially when its frozen all the way thru. You reach an ice wall and think you're at the end. Or sometimes they put it in the front and sometimes at the end! I've given up cooking the turkey dinners and now go out to restaurants or buy the pre-made holiday dinners at Raleys or Vons. They are actually very good - better gravy than I could ever make - but if you have a crowd its not good cuz those dinners only feed about 4 people decently. Not good if you have a few "hungry men"! http://oakhurstforums.com/icon/lol420.gif

[BGW]

Knowing that TOT's story was suppose to be both truthful and funny...forgive me when I say I thought of this thread immediately upon seeing the cartoon attached!!

[beautiful_mess38]

As you can tell I havent been on the forums alot, I've been soooo busy. But Wolfie told me about this thread. i couldn't wait to read it.

I love to cook. I even collect cookbooks.
But with just me and the kids here (Bigman Iraq)
I've been making alot of kid stuff which is actually pretty fun. They even help. I've learned that if the kid helps they will usually eat all of thier dinner.

The first time I went to make a turkey, I called my cousin. I did't have a damn clue how to get started. (now I'm a pro)
She told me its so easy, All you have to do is clean the b*tch and stuff her *ss.
I will never forget that.

I cannot wait to read more of your cooking adventures Tot. you know you always give me a good bellylaugh.

[only1alphafemale]

Here is a handy tip...that I do..when I have cooked something...but didnt get it to brown..werc....lol..I just use my boyfriends torch....! it will brown (and burn ) if you do it right...PS dont forget to turn the torch off!!!

[only1alphafemale]

Tot, change the blade in your processor..to one that slices or dices...lol...not one that shreds....the bigger the hole in the blade...the bigger you stuff will be.....lol...


Tonight i decided to try out my food processor and juicer. The juicer is still covered in 10 years of dust, never got around to it.

Dinner plan - barbequed hot dogs, jello salad, french fries.

Food processor turned carrots into goo, but i figued the orange jello-carrot-pineapple bowl would turn out fine anyway. I've had it many times, but don't recall ever making it. I called my grandmother for instructions.

Mix jello (6 oz) with 1 3/4 cups water. Add 2 cups shredded carrots. Add one 20 oz can crushed pineapple. Add 2 cups ice cubes. Should set in 45 minutes.

I guess people that have actually made jello in the last 15 years would know that you boil that first bit of water. I am not one of those people. There's an orange lumpy soup with ice cubes sitting in my fridge.

I also have some sort of potatoe conglomeration created by 'slicing' potatoes with the food processor. http://oakhurstforums.com/icon/lol420.gif

So i just boiled the darn hotdogs since i tend to burn them to a black crunchy mess when i grill 'em anyway.

And that my friends, is my first installment.[/QUOTE]

[Yosemite Joy]

This is the best thread ever! Hahahaha..

[shansard]

I love to cook, but when I first started out I had some disasters.

In fact, the first time I had my husband over for dinner at my place he asked for salt and peper, and.......I didn't have any! http://oakhurstforums.com/icon/goofy.gif

I have found that I am more succesful and have more fun in the kitchen when I just have fun and throw things together with no recipe.

If you can, buy a crockpot, you can't screw anything up in a crockpot. Just throw your ingredients in, push the button, and in a few hours you'll have a great meal!

[Dodie]

I love to cook and my cuisinart food processor has been the handiest item I have ever had. One thing with these food processors is that you must watch the demo carefully and do it according to the manual. Once you get used to it, there is no problem. www.allrecipes.com (http://www.allrecipes.com) is a great site, as is my favorite: http://www.msn.groups.com/kitchNart which is filled with every imaginable recipe. Wolfgang Puck.com has a great site also. Dodie

[beautiful_mess38]

Sooooo, Tot anymore cooking adventures for us?

When we went to Manzanita lake on Saterday we bbq'd turkey burgers. To my amazement they were actually pretty good.

[TOT]

http://oakhurstforums.com/icon/lol420.gif I don't cook much (for obvious reasons), and can usually barbeque OK, so when the weather is good i just do that

[BichonLover]

I remember the first time I made rice. What a disaster. It came out more like lumpy oatmeal.
I finally figured out you needed to leave the lid on continously and not stir it every minute or so (didn't have a rice cooker back in college days nor a clue on how to cook!)

Then there was my "homemade bread" adventure. I swear I did everything according to my mom's recipe. The loaves of french bread looked fantastic when I popped them fresh out of the oven, and oh, the smell of fresh baked bread can just drive you crazy. It's just that they served better as a baseball bat since they turned out hard as a rock when they cooled.

I've learned lots of dos and don'ts over the years on cooking (do slow down and try to measure ingredients accurately since there's a reason why that recipe calls for 1 cup and not 1 1/2 cups of flour; don't think that by turning up the temp of the oven things will just "cook faster").

I do know one thing, though, and that is it's more fun to make the mess in the kitchen than it is to clean it up!!! http://oakhurstforums.com/icon/lol420.gif

Isn't it amazing at stores like Bed, Bath & Beyond and Linens'N'Things to go in and look at all of their kitchen gadgets!!! I do believe I could spend several days there just trying to figure them all out!!! I have found one that I cannot live without. It's called a "potato ricer" and makes perfect mashed potatoes (no lumps) every time (looks kind of like a giant garlic press). http://oakhurstforums.com/icon/stretch.gif

[beautiful_mess38]

Kitchen gadgets are my favorite thing to. I love shopping for my kitchen.

The kids and I made sloppy joes tonight with seasoned fries and sliced cucumbers.

but then I had to clean up http://oakhurstforums.com/icon/dishes.gif

[Freeweelin]

Whatever you do, dont forget you have eggs boiling! Did that and "BOOM" eggs everywhere.
http://oakhurstforums.com/icon/goofy.gif

[Surfus]

sounds like TOT need to have schwans deliver her some Easy to cook food. That is what POP rocks makes for dinner other than reservations.

http://www.schwans.com

BBQ ribs just heat n Eat.
Lots of pasta dishes
Perogies
POT PIES Made by Marie Calenders.

[Dodgergirl]

Yup, and Karl Is Hot! (the delivery guy)

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Surfus:
sounds like TOT need to have schwans deliver her some Easy to cook food. That is what POP rocks makes for dinner other than reservations.

[honeybee]

Anyone ever make lasagna soup? Unfortunately...my first attempt, I did.

[TOT]

Originally posted by honeybee:
Anyone ever make lasagna soup? Unfortunately...my first attempt, I did.

me too http://oakhurstforums.com/icon/happy.gif)

[Californee Girl]

Tonight Im working on a very special fathers Day dinner. I will pick up the phone & dial 683-2700 http://oakhurstforums.com/icon/tongue.gif

[TOT]

there are a few things i can cook/bake.

one of them is a cobbler.

i can do it by heart.

can o' fruit, cup o' sugar, cup o' flour, 2 t baking powder, 3/4 cup milk, 1 cube butter. easy.

i had blackberries in a bag.

it went to hell from there.

couldn't find flour. couldn't find sugar. after all my other mini-disasters today, this wasn't good. i already had the blackberries warming.

found flour. found a bag of sugar. tried to get sugar into jar. cleaned sugar off floor, feet. left rest of bag of sugar on counter cuz i don't care anymore.

couldn't find baking powder. looked and looked and looked. threw a fit. turned off oven, covered berries, said 'screw it'.

found baking powder while cleaning more sugar off of floor. continued with cobbler.

the milk was no problem.

got it all together.

350, 45 minutes - 1 hour.

i've never had a cobbler boil over before. what are you supposed to do when that happens? 20 minutes left to cook.

(i scraped the bottom of the oven with a spatula and put a cookie sheet under the cobbler to catch any more overflows. should i have done something else?)

the house stinks.

[John @ 3300ft.]

They sell aluminum trays at the market you can put in the bottom of oven to catch spills. > no scraping.

[electroman]

just 2 words: SARA LEE

[Sandman]

http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/rofl5.gif

[Yosemite_Wolf]

SaraLee is Cr*p deserts.... but then.. i dont eat sweet stuff.

[TOT]

when roasting, i guess one should pay attention to the smaller print that says "per pound" ...

i was wondering how the thing was gonna cook in 40 minutes. crap.

[Coldwolf]

Dinner at 9 tonight?

[Californee Girl]

That avatar is just creepy coldwolf...

[Coldwolf]

And yours isn't? yikes!

[Coldwolf]

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that! When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.

BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN

6-7 lb. Chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good)
1 cup unpopped popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT)
Salt/pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt, and pepper.
Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn.
Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven.
Listen for the popping sounds.
When the chicken's *** blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it's done.

And you thought I couldn't cook!

[TOT]

http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/laugh.gif

[Californee Girl]

Originally posted by Coldwolf:
And yours isn't? yikes!

I meant that as a compliment

[Coldwolf]

I meant that as a compliment
I'm trying to change it daily untill the big Holiday, but I might run out of good gorey ones.

[TOT]

I made dinner for me, myself, and i in my own home with my own food and my own dishes.

It wasn't that great, but it ended up edible.

If anyone has EASY dairy-less, recipes for cooking for one, lemme know http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/happy.gif

[monkey]

I LOVE spaghetti squash with various sauces. You can use a bottled marinara sauce, or make a sauce of your own. Cheap,healthy & tasty!

[BGW]

Hey TOT--

a couple of easy things...chicken stock instead of milk in mashed potatoes. Can buy this canned next door to your work!

Boxed rice that require a tablespoon or two of butter...sub with same amount of olive oil.


Also, check out this site

recipe zaar (http://www.recipezaar.com/r/5)