Love, Lust and Loss... in the Mountains & Beyond

[dorseygirl]

Can you love two men at the same time? (If you are a woman).
Can you love two women at the same time? (If you are a man).

[Red Mule]

RE:
Can you love two men at the same time? (If you are a woman).
Can you love two women at the same time? (If you are a man).

It depends...

[kellieflan]

Once when I was very young I read in the National Enquirer (so take this with a grain of salt!) that we each have 44,000 soul mates in the world and that, statistically, we will marry someone who lives within five miles of our home.

I did not marry until I was 35, so I did not have "44,000 soul mates" but there were times it seemed like I was coming close! I did, however, marry someone who lived within 5 miles of my home (although we met 26 miles across the sea - he was waitin' for me at Santa Catalina on New Years Eve 15 years ago).

Once I met my husband, I felt that the other times (there were a few) that I had been "in love," I was not really in love - until Dave.

I have never been in love with two people at the same time. I do think it's possible though.

[Sandman]

I think it's impossible to have a healthy relationship when you are in love with someone else. Often times, people jump into a new relationship before they have completely jumped out of the last. It'll catch up in the long run. Also, I feel that some people are just in love with the idea of being in love. Some people must be in a relationship so that they can feel that they are loved. Therefore, these people will often seek a new person to love when there are problems in the current relationship. That way if/when things fails, they can immediately jump into something new. Often times someone will find someone younger, wealthy or someone who is also in relationship with someone else to boost their own self esteem. The fact of the matter is that no relationship will be successful if you are not happy with yourself. You have to be happy with yourself before you can make someone else happy.

There are things I regret in past relationships I have had. The key is that I learned from these mistakes and will not make the same mistakes twice. If you are looking for love elsewhere, you are not in love. Also, I do not believe in love at first sight and I think love isn't something that can happen over night. It's something that you build over time. Teenagers pretend to fall in love right away. With adults, it takes time...

[Red Mule]

Sandman,

I agree with almost everything you say. It is only because we seem to define love differently that our answers are different. When I think of love I am speaking of a feeling that combines friendship, respect, and also physical attraction. But, it is not something that has to be acted upon.

I think you might be defining it more as a relationship, which is certainly something that requires work and time and commitment and would be difficult (but not impossible) to maintain if someone else was in your thoughts. You can also actually have such a relationship, although it probably wouldn't be all that satisfying, with a person you do not love at all.

I think senior citizens, of which I am one by some yardsticks, can still be as susceptible to "love at first sight" as any teenager. Or, I think adults can meet someone and have respect grow to admiration and then to love without it ever taking any inappropriate action or detracting from another love. Love is not something that you only have so much of.

I can't help it. I'm just a romantic! :)

[dancingqueen]

I wonder if some of those 44,000 soul mates could be the same sex as you are? I have had so many very wonderful, loving (not sexual) relationships with women. Probably more than with men. I met my husband 14 years before we fell inlove. He and I worked together and we were both married to other people so it never went any further than admiration but neither of us really knew that we admired each other. He was a high school principal in a continuation school and I was an outreach counselor that traveled around the county performing miracles (thats what he says). I remember leaving the school one day and actually saying out loud to myself, God, why did you not put a man like that in my life, one that has such love and compassion for teenagers and man kind in general. Well, I ended up taking another job position and he and I lost contact and neither one of us even knew that the other one had gotten divorced. Well, I was kissing alot of frogs looking for my prince. On Memorial Day weekend a guy that I was dating and I went to a play at the warf theater in Monterey. I was pretty much having a boring time, during intermission I saw -------sitting a few rows ahead of me and I said to my date, I see an old friend I think I am going to go over and say hello. That was the beginning of the most wonderful relationship I have ever had in my life. From that day forward we have never been apart. I think there is a soul mate for each and every one of us, but you just never know when the connection is going to happen.

[kellieflan]

These stories are good, and a good distraction for both writer and reader, so I will take the liberty of starting a new thread... Love, Lust and Loss in the Mountains and Beyond! Who knows, maybe we can sell it as the new Lost! ;)

[kellieflan]

Going back to what csciacca said on the Random Nonsense thread... I hadn't thought of it, but with a potential (remember, the source is National Enquirer) of 44,000 soulmates in the world - I certainly hope some of them (for me) were women, because I agree - women have played an amazing roll all through my life as friends, co-conspirators, shoulders to cry on, girlfriends to giggle with, mentors, doulas, sisters, mothers, a few rivals who could really make my blood boil... the list goes on and on (and I'm leaving the best stuff out!).

One thing I wanted to say: I never wanted to marry anyone until I met my husband. It was not love at first sight, but he did ask me to dance just before New Years Eve ("grown up dancing") and he is a terrific dancer for a big old ex-rugby player, so that was charming. He had the quality I had always set out for "a man who will camp and when you take him camping, he brings a book!" He also had a job, friends, interests, good sense, and a great bod.

Within three weeks, I knew we would be married, although it was 16 months before he asked and I agreed. It was at a waterfall at Twin Lakes outside of Bridgeport where he had a cabin (oh yeah, he had a cabin!) and while I'd always dreamed I'd become engaged in a fancy dress I could pass down to my daughter - she'll be getting an old, romantic sweatshirt some day.

Sorry if this story was unbearable, probably my lust/loss stories are much funnier, but this one has the best ending.

WHATCHA' GOT? ;)

[Sandman]

I relocated some posts to this new topic, per requested by several members.

[Sandman]

Socrates

The hottest love has the coldest end.

[dancingqueen]

Thank you Sandman.

[Dawn]

Yeah I think it's possible to love lots of men at the same time for different reasons.

[kellieflan]

Worst boyfriend visual from the rear, ever: New Years DAY, soon to be former boyfriend running east on the sidewalk of Market St. toward Abbot Kinney, from my house in Venice, Ca., while simultaneously pulling up his pants, belt a' flyin'. This was the late, late, unlamented eighties.

It worked out best for all concerned. No further information available. rolleyes:

I think Socrates had a part in this one.

[Yosemite Joy]

I have dated two men who immediately after breaking up with me came out.

What's up with that?

[Yosemite Joy]

Can you love two men at the same time? (If you are a woman).
Can you love two women at the same time? (If you are a man).

Sure. But it would be pretty complicated. You can love different people for different reasons, but love two or more at the same time.

[monkey]

I have dated two men who immediately after breaking up with me came out.

What's up with that?

Don't feel bad, a guy I broke up with joined the Seminary. I think I broke him or something.

[Yosemite Joy]

I just laughed my farkin butt off!

Thanks Monkey I no longer feel bad.

[BooBooBear]

Can you love two men at the same time? (If you are a woman).
Can you love two women at the same time? (If you are a man).

You can if your on the Bachelor/Bachelorette :D

[Kahlua Kid]

Don't feel bad, a guy I broke up with joined the Seminary. I think I broke him or something.


OMG!!! ROTF!!! TMI!!!

[Kahlua Kid]

Love two at the same time - probably - haven't done it...

Dated 3 in one night... uh - guilty...

(They were all 1st dates... I guess I was 'testing' them all out - you know life is short and we all need to make our time count!!! LOL) This was pre-Newcomer!!!

[HIS_MOM]

i find that most guys i date well for example my youngest sons father. we met in church he was the sound director seemed to be mr. wonderful had a good paying job payed tons of attention to my 2 sons that werent his and very quickly started saying "I LOVE YOU" i didnt love him i knew i didnt love him but i said it back to make him happy. well then it became a daily thing a millon times a day thing every phone call every time we seen eachother it was hard i felt quilty becasue i knew i didnt love him. it was more of a LUST. no one else could have him but me! and alot of girls wanted him.

after we moved in together and i found out i was pregnant he changed and boy do i mean changed he became very violent. he hit me he broke things and he called my then 4 year old sons alot of racist names (there a quarter black. you would never be able to tell) i got enough courage to leave the siutation. pregnant scared and now gonna be a mom of 3 i ran back to fresno to get away from him. i called the cops had him arrested and tried to go on with my life. he went to jail for 8 months on domestic violence. i had the restraining order and all that stuff they give you in court

well a week after i had my youngest son. he called me straight from the jail cell phone. he begged and pleaded life was gonna change he was gonna be a great dad he was gonna be a great boyfriend. like an idiot i fell for it because i didnt want to be a single mom of 3 kids and no one else was gonna want me with 3 kids. we talked everyday for the next month while he was in jail i made 3 trips on amtrack to take are then week old son to see him. i tried hard to convince myself i did love him and need him. he was released december of 07 and he came straight from jail to live with me in fresno. i tried to love him with everything inside of me. i couldnt there was a huge fear he was gonna hurt me again.

things were really good until may of 08 i really thought that i had loved him and he had changed... we moved back up here to oakhurst in april we had a little apartment just the 5 of us. well as soon as he realized i knew alot of people here and i had friends here he lost it again he was mean he was violent he broke alot of things he even hurt are then 5 1/2 month old son. i couldnt take it he had hurt me really good one day while the kids were at school and i knew i had to leave again i ran to my neighbors and got away the sheriff came and arrested him again i went to all my court processes and got a permanent restraining order. my life was now gonna change forever

it's been 6 months. i have not spoken one word to this man not even about our son. everyday that passes i will always have to think of him as our son is an exact splitting image of him and everywhere i go i hear oh look at little bobby. ( no my sons name is not bobby but his dads is) my son acts like him has attitude like him and seems to have alot of his personality.

in all of this nonsense ramble i just told you i learned a very important factor on love and lust

you can never make anyone love you and you can never make youself love someone. i've learned it comes naturally. it cant be forced

lust played a huge part in my relationship from day one. if i couldnt have him no one else was gonna have him so i myswell stick it out through the good and the bad just so i had what the other girls wanted.

i've now learned that i will never ever lower myself to a man. i will find a man that loves me one day and i can say i truley love. hell it might not happen in these damn mountains but i know he is out there somewhere

[Newcomer]

Love 2 people at the same time - depends on your definition of love - I think its possible - just ask Charlie Sheen. LOL

[dancingqueen]

Wow, His Mom, you have really been through so much. Sounds as if you have decided to get off that Merry-Go-Round. For some men it seems as if the front door of the jail is a revolving one, they just keep going in and coming out, over and over again. Nothing changes, promises broken time after time after time. All men are not like Bobby. I am sure that everyone who loves you has told you how wonderful you are and that you deserve so much more. You have to believe that too or you will just keep attracting the same type of men. As for Bobby and your son, that little boy is not his father, he doesn't have to walk in his foot steps. He is still so young, I know that he looks like his daddy but he isn't his daddy. There is help out there for him and you now know where to go to get it. Please take advantage of that referal and get help for him. Oh, by the way, good morning....I hope Jared had a good night and that he shows improvement today.

[kellieflan]

Excerpted from a Dear Abby column, published December 19 2007, here is a list of classic warning signs. If you recognize these signs, you may be involved with an abuser, and should seek assistance.

Pushes for a quick, exclusive commitment
Jealous
Controlling especially regarding money and whereabouts
Unrealistic expectations
Isolation from family and friends
Blames others for problems or mistakes
Makes others responsible for his/her feelings
Hypersensitivity
Cruelty to animals or children
“Playful” use of force during sex
Verbal abuse
Rigid gender roles
Sudden mood swings
Past history of battering
Threats of violence[/B]

Not every abuser shows every one of the above signs, but if you are uncomfortable about a relationship for any of the above reasons, you have the right to end it!

[HIS_MOM]

Wow, His Mom, you have really been through so much. Sounds as if you have decided to get off that Merry-Go-Round. For some men it seems as if the front door of the jail is a revolving one, they just keep going in and coming out, over and over again. Nothing changes, promises broken time after time after time. All men are not like Bobby. I am sure that everyone who loves you has told you how wonderful you are and that you deserve so much more. You have to believe that too or you will just keep attracting the same type of men. As for Bobby and your son, that little boy is not his father, he doesn't have to walk in his foot steps. He is still so young, I know that he looks like his daddy but he isn't his daddy. There is help out there for him and you now know where to go to get it. Please take advantage of that referal and get help for him. Oh, by the way, good morning....I hope Jared had a good night and that he shows improvement today.

cathy,
i understand completley that izayah is not his dad. i will do everything in my power to make sure he does not even turn out liek his dad. it just bothers me that so many people will call him bobby junior or some other dumb name we called his dad. i dont want him to have any part of that.

everyone always told me i was worth more then he could ever do for me or treat me but when your in a circumstance like that those kind of guys scare you into staying you feel you cant leave and thats all your worth it took me months to finally run one day while he was at work. he didnt even know it was comming. i bought a car and the next day droppe dhim off at work and threw the kids in the car in our jammies and barefoot and was gone. i wish i could say i never looked back but i did. i fell in his trap and learned the hard way. yes my kids suffered alot in that relationship and thats why i knew it wasnt for me. i knwo now i will never EVER put my kids threw anythign like that again. if a man cant realize he would ocme 2nd in line two my kids then too bad for him. they are my LIFE. they are why i breath every day.

ok enough rambling..

[dancingqueen]

Good for you. You were a lot younger than I was when I learned my lesson. I was in my early 30's when I escaped a bad marriage in much the same way as you did, just take the kids and run as fast as you can as soon as they leave for work, you have atleast 8 hours on them. My oldest son looked very much like his father and when someone would call him little______, I would look them right in the eye and say do not do that, his name is______ pretty soon I didn't have to do it because he did it himself. If someone called him by his father's name he would correct them saying, I was named after my Grandpa, my name is ____.
Life is tough, and so are you Miss Amanda, in all the good ways.

[HIS_MOM]

Good for you. You were a lot younger than I was when I learned my lesson. I was in my early 30's when I escaped a bad marriage in much the same way as you did, just take the kids and run as fast as you can as soon as they leave for work, you have atleast 8 hours on them. My oldest son looked very much like his father and when someone would call him little______, I would look them right in the eye and say do not do that, his name is______ pretty soon I didn't have to do it because he did it himself. If someone called him by his father's name he would correct them saying, I was named after my Grandpa, my name is ____.
Life is tough, and so are you Miss Amanda, in all the good ways.

thanks cathy i appreciate it

i am always getting on to peopel about it. and i think it is funny becasue when someone will call izayah bobby junior he doesnt respond but you say IZAYAH and he will say yea yea

[tristanj]

I can't, I am a faithful lover. Cheating is evil, you can't imagine the feeling of betrayal if your partner is sleeping around.

[MadScot]

What if it's not cheating. What if three people all love each other or it's an open relationship. I think the prop 8 poll was a no on this board. I think it likely most who voted no believe people are wired different whether it be straight, gay, bi. Are people also wired monogamous or polygamous? Bi is by definition polygamous. I think much like a gay person who tries to live a straight life goes through hell so does a person wired polygamous trapped in a monogamous relationship. Polygamists are even more frowned upon than gays. You even hear in the conservative arguments against gay marriage. They say what’s next legalize plural marriage and bestiality. Can you imagine falling in love with someone every couple years only to suppress that love in order to remain faithful.
I realize some would argue if you fall in love with someone else while you’re married you must not really love your wife. All I can say to them is be grateful your brain is wired the way it is. Your chance of living a tortured life is about 99% slimmer.


I have dated two men who immediately after breaking up with me came out.

What's up with that?

Don't feel bad, a guy I broke up with joined the Seminary. I think I broke him or something.

You know ladies when a man has been presented the best that females have to offer and still isn’t happy what choice do they have but to admit they’re gay or join a monastery.

[dancingqueen]

It is very important that a man helps you with all daily chores around the house, and that he has a full time job.

It is very important that he makes you laugh....every day.

It is very important that you can always count on him and that he NEVER lies to you about anything.

It is very important that he spoils you in every way possible.

Most of all it is very important that these four men never meet each other.

[only1alphafemale]

It is very important that a man helps you with all daily chores around the house, and that he has a full time job.

It is very important that he makes you laugh....every day.

It is very important that you can always count on him and that he NEVER lies to you about anything.

It is very important that he spoils you in every way possible.

Most of all it is very important that these four men never meet each other.


Very funny DQ ~ lol ~ I would add a 5th one though. One that cherishes you always ~ :D

[Red Mule]

DQ, Thanks for my morning laugh.

I once went to a pflag (parents and friends of gays) where I heard one guy explaining he was having a problem with accepting that his wife had a gay lover. However, he didn't seem to be at all bother by the fact that she was being unfaithful. :)

I think Madscot is right in some ways. I have known people that were totally happy in "open" relationships. However, if only one of the people in a relationship expects it to be open, it's time to move on. Otherwise, it only dishonest and unhealthy.